Got an email from my sister today. Remember when I told you she works as a public servant? Well, that means answering phone calls from the public. Today's phone call was from a real winner.
Never let it be said that my job is boring...
Took a phone call for a meter leak....
Here’s how it went...
I answered the phone...Public Utilities
The lady repeated it back to me...’Public Utilities’
Then said ‘who is this?’
I said my name is Jennifer
Then here is the conversation...it was all her talking and me just shaking my head
‘that thing in the driveway ya’ll come out here & lift the lid on every 2 months, the meter thing, well the one in my neighbors driveway is leaking, and it has been leaking for a while. Get your pen out cuz I’m only gonna say this once...then she rattled off the address...then she says and I don’t give a f*ck what you do with it or if you send anyone cuz I don’t like the b*tch that lives there, but I’m bein nice & callin & tellin you. Have a good f’n day Jennifer’
And then she hung up the phone
True story
Cuz I don’t have the time to make that kinda crap up
Ha
Friday, January 7, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
If you want tasteful, get someone else!
Currently, my mom is in the process of taking down and putting away the Christmas decorations. My mom takes her Christmas decorating VERY seriously. She takes it so seriously, that if you don't do things the way she wants them and in the order she wants them done, she won't speak to you until Christmas is over. Overkill? You betcha! That's just the way mom is now that she has a house of her own to decorate. Growing up, my grandma and I had a lot to do with the decorating and Mom didn't get too involved because Nanny was involved. Those days are over. Now, every year, Christmas pukes all over Mom's house. She even decorate the bathrooms. I'm surprised she doesn't have a Christmas shower curtain. (Note to self, buy Mom Christmas shower curtain for her birthday.)
While I was talking to Mom on the phone earlier today, she had a brilliant idea. She now wants to start a business where she would hire assistants to help her decorate people's houses for Christmas. As she says, it's all about staging and re-staging. Thus, afther she and her assistants stage the house for Christmas, they would come back after the Christmas madness was over and help her clients re-stage their homes. I tol Mom that not everyone wants their home to look like Christmas came in and puked on every nook and cranny. Her response was that there were plenty of people who like lots of tacky decorations. She would make up a brochure outlining her services and make it clear that she does Christmas on Crack. She wants her moto to be: "If you want tasteful, get someone else."
My husband and I want to buy a house in the spring. She wants to come out before Christmas and help me decorate because a house will have far more space to decorate than our current 2 bedroom duplex. Maybe I shouldn't give Mom our new address....
While I was talking to Mom on the phone earlier today, she had a brilliant idea. She now wants to start a business where she would hire assistants to help her decorate people's houses for Christmas. As she says, it's all about staging and re-staging. Thus, afther she and her assistants stage the house for Christmas, they would come back after the Christmas madness was over and help her clients re-stage their homes. I tol Mom that not everyone wants their home to look like Christmas came in and puked on every nook and cranny. Her response was that there were plenty of people who like lots of tacky decorations. She would make up a brochure outlining her services and make it clear that she does Christmas on Crack. She wants her moto to be: "If you want tasteful, get someone else."
My husband and I want to buy a house in the spring. She wants to come out before Christmas and help me decorate because a house will have far more space to decorate than our current 2 bedroom duplex. Maybe I shouldn't give Mom our new address....
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Christmas "Balls"
My husband and I will be spending our first Christmas away from our families this year. He has done Christmas away from this family when he was a truck driver, but this is a first for me. We're decorating our little duplex to help with the gloominess of not going home. I have quite a few ornaments at my mom and dad's house, so my mom has gone through all the family ornaments to find mine so she can send them out to her poor baby child who isn't coming home.
Mom: 2 boxes of ornaments went out in the mail yesterday, 2 more will go out today. I used the post office priority boxes. You collected a lot of ornaments, I forgot to look in the bedroom, but I’m thinking you took them, you will need some balls to set off the ornaments I sent.
My first reaction to this email, "why is my mother telling me that I have to have balls to offset my ornaments? I don't think the tree will look tacky." I knew she was talking about Christmas balls, but my brain automatically jumped to cajones. Don't ask me why. It's probably a result of working in a male dominated industry and having to figure out if every single thing I say or type can be taken sexually before I say or type it. Obviously, this email had to be shared with my sister.
Me: I have a strange mind. I read the balls part and I thought mom was referring to me needing to be gutsy to offset the wide array of ornaments I have.
Jennifer: I just read it the same way...same thought came to my mind. Had no idea that decorating the Christmas tree involved having balls. Ahahahaaa
She had a confrontation at work that morning with a semi-co-worker. Long story short, the woman was a bitch, and the confrontation got very heated. That woman was in the wrong, but once it was pointed out that she was in the wrong, she started crying because she felt bad about her behavior.
Jennifer: I was very nice and sympathetic...but inside I was jumping up and down and cheering that I turned her into a blubbering idiot. (I told you she was the hard-ass of the familyAm I evil?? Yes I am.
Mom was taken aback I do believe...she said that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to take credit for that, but that she did raise me to be the hard-ass that I have become. So yes, it is mom’s fault that I made a grown woman cry today.
Love,
Your very proud sister
It's a miracle I turned out as "normal" as I am. Granted, I use the term normal very loosely.....
Mom: 2 boxes of ornaments went out in the mail yesterday, 2 more will go out today. I used the post office priority boxes. You collected a lot of ornaments, I forgot to look in the bedroom, but I’m thinking you took them, you will need some balls to set off the ornaments I sent.
My first reaction to this email, "why is my mother telling me that I have to have balls to offset my ornaments? I don't think the tree will look tacky." I knew she was talking about Christmas balls, but my brain automatically jumped to cajones. Don't ask me why. It's probably a result of working in a male dominated industry and having to figure out if every single thing I say or type can be taken sexually before I say or type it. Obviously, this email had to be shared with my sister.
Me: I have a strange mind. I read the balls part and I thought mom was referring to me needing to be gutsy to offset the wide array of ornaments I have.
Jennifer: I just read it the same way...same thought came to my mind. Had no idea that decorating the Christmas tree involved having balls. Ahahahaaa
She had a confrontation at work that morning with a semi-co-worker. Long story short, the woman was a bitch, and the confrontation got very heated. That woman was in the wrong, but once it was pointed out that she was in the wrong, she started crying because she felt bad about her behavior.
Jennifer: I was very nice and sympathetic...but inside I was jumping up and down and cheering that I turned her into a blubbering idiot. (I told you she was the hard-ass of the familyAm I evil?? Yes I am.
Mom was taken aback I do believe...she said that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to take credit for that, but that she did raise me to be the hard-ass that I have become. So yes, it is mom’s fault that I made a grown woman cry today.
Love,
Your very proud sister
It's a miracle I turned out as "normal" as I am. Granted, I use the term normal very loosely.....
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Funerals
Locals refer to the place where I grew up as "The County." We used to be part of Princess Anne County, which became Virginia Beach. After that, people continued to refer to the rural, farming community as The County. Recently, we have had two local people pass away and the obituaries came out in the paper today. This is an email thread between me and my mom.
Mom: John Baum passed away, not sure if you remember him he was on Council for a long time, from Blackwater.
Me: I vaguely remember him. I remember the name more than the face.
Mom: His obit is in today’s paper, if you get a chance you need to read it, I had no idea of all the “first” he did on his farm, I wish they had put his picture in the paper.
Me: It's a good obituary, but it doesn't mention any family.
Mom: Yea, we noticed that too, his wife’s name is Sandra and I think he had children. Betty Waterfield’s obit is in there too, Robin Lee’s Mom. I said the county people can go to Mr. Baum’s funeral at the funeral home, have lunch and then to Betty’s at Charity, graveside, or do Mr. Baum’s at the funeral home go to Blackwater for the burial skip lunch and go to Betty’s and then eat.
Me: Glad you're here to plan out the funeral circuit for everyone. Scared, but glad.
With that last exchanged I put this up on the blog and hit publish. Not even one minute later this email arrived from my mom.
Mom: Just think if I was blogging.
Last night I left the water in the half bath sink dripping because it was suppose to get to 16 here, well I lay down and I can hear it dripping, in the sink, all of a sudden Mac does this low growl and I said she can hear the dripping too, I get up turn it off and she stops growling.
I have Elvis playing on a CD Christmas songs and I wanted to turn it down, I kept messing with the volume on the radio and the music was still just as loud, DUH it’s the computer speaker. LOL
Me, to Jennifer: bahahahahahah! I published a blog post about this email thread less than one minutes before she sent this email.
Jennifer: Holy crap.........I got no words for any of this.. just tears welling in my eyes and now I’ve gotta go pee from laughing so hard
Me: Glad I could facilitate good urinary health.
Mom: John Baum passed away, not sure if you remember him he was on Council for a long time, from Blackwater.
Me: I vaguely remember him. I remember the name more than the face.
Mom: His obit is in today’s paper, if you get a chance you need to read it, I had no idea of all the “first” he did on his farm, I wish they had put his picture in the paper.
Me: It's a good obituary, but it doesn't mention any family.
Mom: Yea, we noticed that too, his wife’s name is Sandra and I think he had children. Betty Waterfield’s obit is in there too, Robin Lee’s Mom. I said the county people can go to Mr. Baum’s funeral at the funeral home, have lunch and then to Betty’s at Charity, graveside, or do Mr. Baum’s at the funeral home go to Blackwater for the burial skip lunch and go to Betty’s and then eat.
Me: Glad you're here to plan out the funeral circuit for everyone. Scared, but glad.
With that last exchanged I put this up on the blog and hit publish. Not even one minute later this email arrived from my mom.
Mom: Just think if I was blogging.
Last night I left the water in the half bath sink dripping because it was suppose to get to 16 here, well I lay down and I can hear it dripping, in the sink, all of a sudden Mac does this low growl and I said she can hear the dripping too, I get up turn it off and she stops growling.
I have Elvis playing on a CD Christmas songs and I wanted to turn it down, I kept messing with the volume on the radio and the music was still just as loud, DUH it’s the computer speaker. LOL
Me, to Jennifer: bahahahahahah! I published a blog post about this email thread less than one minutes before she sent this email.
Jennifer: Holy crap.........I got no words for any of this.. just tears welling in my eyes and now I’ve gotta go pee from laughing so hard
Me: Glad I could facilitate good urinary health.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Christmas Sweater
"Last night Sissy and I went to the consignment shop in the farm fresh shopping Ctr, and I got a Christmas sweater, I was so excited, it jumped out at me when we walked in the shop. Because all I have are vest, now I have a sweater, so anytime you need to borrow it just let me know. If I hadn’t already laid my Virginia Tech clothes out for the flight I might have been tempted to wear my new sweater, but I know your keen eyes will be scoping for Tech colors with your Mom wearing them. This could have been a blog item if we bolgged. Mom"
My mom and dad are coming out to Illinois for Thanksgiving. It's going to be an interesting experience, especially for my poor husband who doesn't always know how to take my zany mother. My response to my mom was that I was pretty sure I would recognize the crazy lady waving her arms and wearing a Christmas sweater before Thanksgiving. I just pray the TSA people realize she's just crazy and not dangerous....
My mom and dad are coming out to Illinois for Thanksgiving. It's going to be an interesting experience, especially for my poor husband who doesn't always know how to take my zany mother. My response to my mom was that I was pretty sure I would recognize the crazy lady waving her arms and wearing a Christmas sweater before Thanksgiving. I just pray the TSA people realize she's just crazy and not dangerous....
Reason for blogging...
I'm the youngest of two daughters. My parents named me Catherine after Catherine McLintock in the John Wayne movie "McLintock!". I live in Illinois with my husband and two dogs. I work for Corporate America with my office being in my house and I travel throughout the Midwest and up into the NorthEast 3-5 days per week most of the time. The rest of my family is back in Virginia Beach. My sister, Jennifer, and my mom are both public servants, so office politics make for interesting emails. Jennifer was born in 1977, so that pretty much explains how she got her name. My dad doesn't get involved much with the emails, but he works in the construction industry and, let's face it, guys just aren't as good for drama and gossip as us women.
I guess I should explain some of the family dynamics. There are eight years between my sister and I, so we like to say we were raised by two different sets of parents. She couldn't stand me until she turned 16, got her driver's license, and could get the heck out of the house. Now that we're older, we don't have that problem anymore. She was raised to be the hard ass who shows no emotion. I, on the other hand, am the crier of the family who hates to dissapoint or upset anyone. I have the guilty conscience and sometimes we wonder if Jennifer has a conscience at all. Ha, just kidding, but only kinda. ;) My maternal grandmother moved in with my parents a couple of years before I was born, so Nanny was there to help raise Jennifer and I. I'm sure Nanny will make appearances in some of the emails. Not many days go by when one of us doesn't use a "Nanny-ism" or do something that makes us realize that, like it or not, we are turning into her.
My mom, sister, and myself email back and forth to each other throughout the work day. At least once a day, one of us has a story that we say we should blog about. Well, that's exactly what I'm going to start doing. More of the family dynamics will become evident as we share more emails. It probably won't take you, dear readers, long before you realize we are truly crazy. We embrace the insanity and we hope you will too!
I guess I should explain some of the family dynamics. There are eight years between my sister and I, so we like to say we were raised by two different sets of parents. She couldn't stand me until she turned 16, got her driver's license, and could get the heck out of the house. Now that we're older, we don't have that problem anymore. She was raised to be the hard ass who shows no emotion. I, on the other hand, am the crier of the family who hates to dissapoint or upset anyone. I have the guilty conscience and sometimes we wonder if Jennifer has a conscience at all. Ha, just kidding, but only kinda. ;) My maternal grandmother moved in with my parents a couple of years before I was born, so Nanny was there to help raise Jennifer and I. I'm sure Nanny will make appearances in some of the emails. Not many days go by when one of us doesn't use a "Nanny-ism" or do something that makes us realize that, like it or not, we are turning into her.
My mom, sister, and myself email back and forth to each other throughout the work day. At least once a day, one of us has a story that we say we should blog about. Well, that's exactly what I'm going to start doing. More of the family dynamics will become evident as we share more emails. It probably won't take you, dear readers, long before you realize we are truly crazy. We embrace the insanity and we hope you will too!
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